The World's Six Greatest Jobs
After weeks of extensive research, I-resign.com have determined the six most desirable jobs in the world. The criteria we used to chose the jobs were:
- Power, the ability to order people around and influence events;
- Fame, the degree to which a person is recognized globally;
- Wealth, how much money this job can make for you.
Finally, we considered overall job satisfaction, how good having this job would make you feel on a day-to-day basis. These ratings are taken to be the maximum you can achieve for each position.
1) The President of the United States of America
Qualifications
American citizenship, ties with big business, a presidential dad, male, white.
(NB Need not necessarily win more votes than your opponent in the election)
Location
Washington DC, USA
Salary & Perks
- $200,000 (not including a non-taxable $50,000 expense account)
- Presidential jumbo jet
- The White House
- Power to wage war and unleash thermonuclear arsenal
- A coterie of Secret Service bodyguards
- Lucrative memoirs and speaking career after leaving office
Drawbacks
- Possibility of assassination
- Loss of private life
- Responsibility for the security of the free world
Ratings
Power 95%
Wealth 30%
Fame 95%
Satisfaction 60%
Interested?
2) Aristocrat
Qualifications
None, you just need to be born lucky. It helps if you're the eldest son in most cases.
Location
A country estate, magnificent town house or luxury apartment, probably in Europe
Salary & Perks
A true member of the landed gentry would never reveal his or her private income. However, being able to live off the interest on the interest from your family's accumulated wealth means that money will not be a worry. You'll also get:
- An entry in Who's Who?
- Automatic upgrade to First Class seats in planes, trains, theatres and restaurants
- Undue influence in the affairs of your country
- Drawbacks
- Unable to vote in a British general election
- Inherited tendency towards madness and rare genetic diseases
- Incomprehensibly affected speech
- Those funny aristocratic lips and eyes that make you look like a posh pink fish
- Your house (pronounced 'hice') is too big to heat and you cannot make alterations to it due to its listed building status
- You'll be first up against the wall in the event of revolution, or at least in the queue behind lawyers, politicians and dotcom millionaires.
Ratings
Power 33%
Wealth 90%
Fame 50%
Satisfaction 40%
Interested?
Bad luck. Unless you're an aristocrat already or about to marry one, forget about it!
3) Porn Star
Qualifications
- Physically fit and healthy
- Photogenic
- Liberal-minded
- Able to get along with lots of new and different people
Location
Anywhere from a filthy shed in the outskirts of Bucharest to a sun-blessed beach in the Maldives
Salary & Perks
- Once you've got to the top of the greasy career pole, you can name your own price
- Owner of an imaginative and amusing name
- Lots of sex in many different positions
- Meet and get to know dozens of new and interesting people
- Enjoy international stardom and become an object of desire
Drawbacks
- General wear and tear
- Feeling of being 'all shagged out'
- Get through a lot of mouthwash
- People don't recognize you with your clothes on
Ratings
Power 10%
Wealth 30%
Fame 30%
Satisfaction 90%
Interested?
Sneak a peek at the Adult Staffing website.
4) Pop star
Qualifications
- Youth
- Distinctive image
- Able to sing, dance, write or play music adequately.
- Showmanship
Location
It certainly helps if you succeed in becoming successful globally, so a lot of travel may be necessary
Salary & Perks
- Get it right and ultimate fame and fortune are certain
- Your fame guarantees opportunities to side-step into other careers if the records stop selling
- Limitless drink, drugs, travel
- VIP suite at the recovery clinic when all of the above get too much
- Adoration from your fans
Drawbacks
- The bigger you are, the harder you'll fall
- Constant press attention
- Stalkers
- Only as good as your last record
- Career is prone to sudden changes in musical fashion (though this can work both ways, a career may be revived decades after its first blooming)
- Tragically early death after inhaling own vomit/crashing high performance car/munching burgers in between handfuls of uppers and downers while sitting on the toilet
Ratings
Power 25%
Wealth 90%
Fame 90%
Satisfaction 80%
Interested?
Form a band, learn to be great DJ, write memorable songs, get a record deal and you're well on your way. Alternatively, wait in line at auditions for the X-Factor, Popstars and other reality-TV shows that promise the chance to instantly make you a star.
5) Scientific Genius
Qualifications
- Piercing insight
- Experimental rigour
- Abnormal mental abilities
- Commitment
- General learnedness
Location
Anywhere with laboratory facilities. This could include a lunar base, rickety old shed or imposing, gun-studded corporate facility
Salary & Perks
- Unless you win a Nobel Prize (about $943,000 or £646,000) or your discoveries have serious commercial applications, the pay may not be great, but you will be wined and dined by the great and good.
- Books will be written about you, you will be welcome at society dinner tables
- The unique satisfaction that follows single-handedly expanding the boundaries of the known universe
- Drawbacks
- Years of frustration when your work is ignored or ridiculed by fools
- Singular geniuses can be difficult to live or work with. Einstein - OK, he had the face of a kind uncle, but also the fists of a prize-fighter and a quick temper
- Crisis of conscience over what you have unwittingly unleashed upon the world
Ratings
Power 30%
Wealth 15%
Fame 65%
Satisfaction 90%
Interested?
Somehow formulate a new way of seeing the world and the phenomena therein. Also check out the Nobel website.
6) Mystic Guru
Qualifications
- Venerable sagacity
- Sagacious venerability
- Divinity
- Prone to spontaneous visions of the Grandeur of Creation
- Ability to accomplish feats of healing or spiritual insight at the drop of a hat
Location
Two types of mystic: Those who walk the earth spreading the good word to all who will listen and those who live a life of ascetic but blissful isolation in the wilderness. Take your pick.
Salary & Perks
- If you have a loyal flock, every material need will hopefully be catered for
- Spiritual wholeness
- Immaterial well-being
- Daily congress with the Godhead
- Eventual ascent unto paradise and/or rapturous union with the cosmos
Drawbacks
- If you're a mystic guru of repute and good standing, nothing on this Earth could possibly get to you (that is unless it dawns on you that the universe is merely a dreadful, cold, infinite mistake)
- Have to be prepared to spend forty days in the wilderness at some point in your career.
- Risk of crucifixion or other cruel/unusual punishment
Ratings
Power 100%
Wealth 20%
Fame 100%
Satisfaction 100%
Interested?
Cut out drinking, smoking, all vice and moral corruption and, in some cases, food and you might be in with a chance.
Whichever takes your fancy, good luck!