Joke Resignation Letters
You wouldn't want your own resignation letter to look like any of these but I-resign.com presents over 40 spoof resignation letters for you to chuckle at. Submitted by users since 1999.
Alternative Career Paths
- Chief De-Beaker from Carlisle Seeks New Billing
"the big cannon fired them into the safety net time after time"
- Curator from Solihull Grits Teeth and Quits
"maybe I'm losing my cutting edge"
- Shiver Me Timbers! Senior Bod from NY in Sea Change
"I am currently accepting applications for First Officer"
- Web Consultant from London Quits for Undiscovered Land
"where crunk just got flyer!"
We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat
- Baby, Soon to be born from London, Quits Womb
"blow that thick white mucus out of my face..."
- Barman from Washington Wises Up
"if you listen to one song by Cliff Richard it may be beautiful"
- Janitor from Milton Keynes Shops KGB Boss, Gives Notice
"...predilection for borscht "
- London Acoustics Manager Hears World's Failing Heartbeat
"Rule by sociopathic tyrants over feudal minions"
- Paranoia for the Secret Service Agent from Idaho
"someone has been delivering Wal-Mart coffee to my house"
- We're all Doomed and I Quit - Director from London
"Everything is as a broken pencil. Pointless"
Psychological State of Emergency
- Dumping Assistant Runner from London Misunderstood
"It only remains for me to apologise for the hitherto unexplained outbreak of cable-laying, dumping, dirt-birthing and fouling that has beset this office"
- Peculiar warehouse worker racks brains, finds animal magic
"I shall be involved in the flinging of porcupines between ocean going cargo ships and the shore"
- London Artist Produces Critically Derided Resignation Piece
"I quit"
- Memphis Burger Flipper's Resignation is Out of This World
"jewel-encrusted, self-dribbling, electromemic basket balls"
- RSI Claims Morse Code Operator from Portsmouth
"Sorry, have to dot dot dash"
- The Voices Speak to Radio Sales Director from Newcastle
"thanks for the good times and the stray hairs"
- Oslo Whaler Quits Arms, Legs and Job
"hidden a secret longing to be free of limbs"
Sex and Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll
- Bored Engineer from Edinburgh "Will Survive"
"At first I was trained / I was certified" - Nobody Left to Sleep With for Dishwasher from Manchester
"John the Fish waiter great shag but boy, did he reek" - Priest from Swansea in Flock Fuck Quit Shock
"Natural love and God don't mix" - Training Officer from Hebdon Bridge Goes Bohemian
"Sewage bolts need tightening / Very very frightening me"
My Company Stinks
- Singaporean employee criticises boss, idiot wife.
"You sucks
& you stink like rotten pig."
- Arseholes Squeezed Out Edinburgh Software Engineer
"peanuts ... monkeys..."
- Cashier from London Knows Only Way is Up From Bottom
"You do know you're the bottom of the heap?"
- Counsellor from Austin TX, Pulled Away by Tidal Forces
"Resignation and unconditional surrender"
- Hyper-Olfactory Secretary from London Resigns Over Fart
"anyone seen the air freshener?"
- Investigative Reporter Breaks Own Resignation Story
"Prince William Love-Child Shock"
- London Sales Manager Quits to Scale Incompetence Ladder
"I-Make-Pol-Pot-Seem-Like-A-Game-Show-Host"
- Pentium 130 Too Slow for Admin from Oakland CA
"held together with duct tape and spit wads"
- Sorry Editor's Assistant from London Resigns. Sorry.
"Going to the cake shop in the afternoon was fun!!"
I'm Too Good for This Place
- Big Cheese Stinks - London Advertising Manager Quits
"you are always surrounded by a phalanx of yes-men"
- Car Salesman from Colchester Gets Too Much Satisfaction
"Don't worry about a reference..."
- Consultant from Oxford Self-Outsources
"Maybe I'm just not a team player"
- Librarian from Kingston, Surrey, Can't Stand the Talking
"My husband and I are going on holiday to Eastbourne"
- Money Talks to London Business Development Director
"big balls and a weenie bat "
- Record Shop Manager, Edinburgh, Hates Boyzone, Quits
"P.P.S. Our managing director is a lunatic."
Can't Take it Anymore
- Assistant Manager from Chesapeake Gives 2 Minute Warning
"I have accepted a position as a garbage person"
- Gofer from Leeds Exits Unexpectedly
"Time to be recycled"
- London Fashion Designer Says "Sew What!"
"everyone really does need a built-in bum-bag"
- Network Admin from Las Cruces, Sticks to Dilbert Principle
"I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle"
- Senior Bod from New York Quits Due to Alien Menace
"I would rather be tied in a leather bag with rabid ocelots"
- Short and Sweet Resignation of Reporter from Aberdeen
"job was terrible"
- Tube Drives Accountant from Amersham to Get New Job
"third carriage, second door..."