Hyper-Olfactory Secretary from London Resigns Over Fart

Dear Mr. Hillcroft

I have decided to resign with effect from the end of the financial year.

Over the past 20 years I have coped with faxes, function keys on the new terminals, feasibility studies, and faded photocopies. In the past year however, things have gone too f'ing far. Irene, our erstwhile receptionist has not stopped farting. Her flatulence has now reached record levels (the weathermen are now providing fart warnings for the Hertfordshire area) and except for management exclaiming "bloody hell's fire" every time they're in the vicinity and the other ladies shouting "anyone seen the air freshener?" nothing has been done about it.

I mean, I am a reasonable woman and I don't want to discriminate against people that suffer from this terrible affliction but what are we to do? I know when the MD's wife brings her border terrier in to the office she pretends that the smell he's made doesn't exist but that's no reason to conveniently ignore Irene's very smelly smells. We have complained repeatedly to no avail.

So I go now to fresh fields and pastures new: methane-farting cows there may be but certainly a lot more air for the stench to waft about in.

Regards